Growing Up

One night, at the end of November, after I had gone to bed, Matthew told Eric that he has a girlfriend. Now, honestly, we were not prepared for this. We hadn't really given it any thought. Matthew had always been so focused on playing with his friends, sports, Math, music... girls were not ever a topic of interest, and now suddenly a girl friend! Wow! Of course, this is a very welcome and normal turn of events, after all, he just turned 14 this month and to find out that he is socially able to manage this arena, as well as all the others! Well, that is just very satisfying as parents. And the change in him is very noticeable. He is more patient and measured in his responses, he is open and relaxed when talking about his friend, and he is interested in our offers to include her in family activities.

A few nights ago, he woke me up and said he needed me. I could tell he was very upset. I couldn't imagine what was wrong. I followed him to his room and he could barely speak. He had been reading an assigned book for ELA called Night, which is one man's personal account of his experience during the holocaust. Matthew had become overwrought with anger and grief at the indignities and injustices done to the Jewish people and he that when he read the part where the Jews were assigned a number, engraved into their arms he threw the book to the floor and came to me. I held him for an hour until he fell asleep. He is a changed person now. He knows that the world has both great joys and great sorrows. In the book the man struggles with his feelings towards God and his anger that God does not save even the babies. Matthew and I discussed this. I explained my view, which is that God is limited in his ability to help only those who want help, and who are willing to receive it in the form of guidance and love, not control. I shared that in my opinion, God is Great Love, that can sustain and strengthen so that people can have the courage to take the path that is before them, and make conscious, informed choices in order to make the best of their lives and situations, given the cards they are dealt. And I shared that in my times of deepest grief, confusion and pain, when I have said "God, please help me". I have always felt immediate peace.