The Final Countdown and The Big Change

There  are only four links left on the chain that Matthew and Megan made to countdown the days. They take one off each night at bedtime. When there is one left, we are going to China the next morning. Well, there are only Four. Links. Left. That's it.

Packing gifts, food, medicines, toys

Counting down to China

For me, today will be the last day that I spend alone, for a long time. The kids have no school on Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday we leave. After we come home, Shanna will be with me each day until she enters school, whenever that is. Acutely aware of the precious moments left to accomplish the tasks that need complete concentration, I mourn the fact that I made a hair appointment this morning right in the middle of my last minutes of free time!! What was I thinking?

The Big Change is resonating with Megan, as well. Although, outwardly, she is so excited about meeting her sister and expresses nothing but love for her, I have noticed regressive changes in her behavior that tell me she is feeling nervous and unsure. She is waking in the middle of the night and coming to me for reassurance. She is getting into everything, like when she first came home, taking things that don't belong to her, and detaching from the present when I redirect her. I'm sure in part, it's because I am busy preparing and bustling around and I think it will be better once I have all my packing done and we are actually on our way. But then it will be different for her in another way, after the real Shanna makes her appearance. I am trying to stop and hold her when I see her needing me, and I pray for patience and awareness during these next few weeks, that I can ease this transition for Megan. Let her know that I am her mommy, no matter what.

But the change is no greater for any of us than Shanna, who will soon leave everything familiar for everything not. I cannot imagine the mix of feelings she must be having. She must leave her home and friends, knowing she will not return. I am just trying to imagine how I would feel, if I were told I had to make a change like that, just one day walk away from the life I had, even with assurances that opportunities would be better for me on the other side. No matter what, that is her life and the one she knows. I think she is happy to be adopted, and she seems to always be smiling and happy, so I have no doubt that she will transition well. I just know it will be difficult and painful and again, I pray for patience and strength as we help her work through the process of growing to love us and her new life.

Shanna at Shantou SWI with her friends (2nd from end on left)

Folding the laundry

Eating a meal at Shantou SWI

Kids & nannies at Shantou SWI