Getting a Whisker From a Tiger

The Sunday before our departure to China, our UU minister told the children a story about a woman who married a man whose first wife had died and left a young son. 

This adoptive mother wanted so badly to be accepted as this child's mother but he refused all her affection. Feeling despair, the woman went to seek the advice of the village wiseman. He said he could give her a magic potion that would make the boy love her but first she would need to bring him the whisker of a tiger. Shocked, the woman went away, yet determined to do what she must because she loved that boy so much.

So the woman went into the jungle to find the tiger.
She set down some raw meat and hid far away to watch for the tiger. Sure enough, the smell of the meat lured the tiger and he ate. Day after day, week after week the woman brought meat to the tiger. At first she stayed hidden but after a while she began to stay where the tiger could watch her from a distance. She came closer and closer until one day she was close enough to reach out and gently pull out one of his whiskers. With great joy she ran to the wiseman and shared her success. Now she would have the magic potion to make the boy love her! When she asked for the potion the wiseman only said to her "Is it any more difficult to get a whisker from a tiger than to gain the love of a little boy?"

Although Reverend Michelle said she did not realize it until she was telling it and looked over at us, I knew this story was meant for us. It was a deep reminder of the passion and the past that lay buried deep in the conscious and unconscious minds of adopted children. It's a reminder that they are trusting, yet wary, keenly aware of their instincts alerting them to danger. To flee or attack, to reject when afraid. That they become  overstimulated and disregulated. That they are completely out of everything familiar to them sights, sounds, smells routine.

Eric and I prepared for this. We knew all this from our experience with Shanna, for which we were not especially prepared. She surprised us with her melt downs and we had to take giant steps back in our expectations and really see it through her eyes. This has helped tremendously in our preparation for Sam. I knew he would be wonderful and happy and fun. I also knew he would require extreme patience and fortitude on our part. 

About 30 minutes ago he let out the most resounding howl you can imagine. Because we were in the hallway of the hotel health and spa center it echoed with the deepest, heart wrenching sound that Eric heard it all the way out by the pool, and came running. Sam was upset because he wanted to go in the pool (which we did yesterday and he loved- I will post later) but it was too cold so we couldn't. I was trying to go to the playground with him but he kept saying "Bu Yao"--which means "I don't want to". I was giving him some space and getting out some raw meat, otherwise known as Pringles (one of our staple snacks here in China) to lure him away, when he climbed onto a treadmill and started pushing buttons. I leaped up and gently guided him off and he wrenched away from me and started running away. He can move surprisingly fast and he was headed into the men's locker room. I caught up to him, held his arm and said my usual litany of Chinese cautionary words (more on that later), but he dropped to the ground with this amazing tiger howl that brought many spa employees running! Of course, I knew he was terrified and feeling trapped and angry, but the staff were hollering at him in Chinese to stop it because it was so disruptive! Big huge tears were coming down poor Sam's face. I got as close as I could to his face and started singing in his ear, the song I taught him at bedtime. Good Night, My Someone. He couldn't hear me until he took a breath, but when he did, he realized I was there loving him and he calmed a bit. By then Eric was there and picked him up and after a few minutes he was ok. Still big tears, but anger expelled and fear subsided. He knew he was safe. It was quite a panic attack. 

It's easy to misinterpret this behavior as deliberate and naughty, especially when he bit me earlier when I tried to get him away from the pool. But we know that we are taming a tiger and that takes patience and time. As well as a few tricks up your sleeve and a few songs in your pocket.

Sam loves Baba's Sunglasses

Enjoying lunch at McDonald's

Reading Time

Baba's Boy