"What If?" and "Why Not?"

Some days I wake up and I feel like can conquer the world. I have dreamed all night about Ideas and Problems That Need Solutions and before my eyes are even open, I have a list a mile long of Things To Do! That day, I begin to set things in motion.

THEN, the Very. Next. Day. I feel like I can't even get out of bed. I ask myself WHAT was I thinking!!!??? It all seemed so reasonable yesterday!! The thoughts of what to do swim before my brain and one merges into another growing larger and more nebulous, colliding with what feels like a growing headache.

Anyone else feel that way? Anyone surprised to hear that a Professional Organizer feels that way?

This is really the story of my life. A High Achiever, and somewhat a Naive Optimist, I am always thinking "What If?" and Why Not?" I will admit that my constant striving to change myself or my world, can be difficult. But yet, it is what makes my life interesting and exciting. When I follow my "What If?, Why Not?" line of thinking, beautiful things happen to me and my family.

For example, years ago, I spontaneously responded to an email and entered a contest sponsored by Rolodex. I had to design an systematic plan to meet the needs of a fictitious client with organizing challenges due to an attention disorder. I immediately got to work, and being a school psychologist for 16 years, quickly and easily wrote an assessment and plan to meet his needs, emailed it off and forgot about it. Months later, I received a registered letter inviting me to attend the National Association of Professional Organizers annual conference as a Semi-Finalist Winner in the Rolodex Office Makeover Challenge. I was shocked and thrilled. I had a ball at the conference and ended up winning the grand prize; a trip to Hawaii for my family!!! It was amazing and all because I was open to the idea of "What If and Why Not?"

The Big Island, July 2007 (pre-adoption of Megan and Shanna!)

Some people are "If, Then" thinkers. They are constantly aware of the consequences of their choices and carefully evaluate each possibility before acting. This is sound and prudent thinking and in many instances, essential. I can think this way, but it is harder for me. I admire so much people who can do this effortlessly. My husband and my oldest daughter are two of these reliable souls. I can always count on them to help me flush out the unrealistic pieces of my plan.

While neither philosophy is right or wrong; there is a need for balance. To live one's whole life as a dreamer can be exhausting and lead to the roller coaster of energy like what I described at the beginning. To live always in the predictability and safety of routine and consequences may not expose us to the right amount of fun, freedom or joy.

Somewhere in the middle is the answer.

Palliative Care

I have posted before about Joy and Sorrow, including this quote from Khalil Gibran:

"Joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed."

You can read about it "here" and "here".

What I have learned is that we must exist amongst both. Joy is all around us. We just have to open our minds to it. If we close off to joy, we stunt our living. We cannot hide from the sorrow nor can we wallow in it. We must take the moments of joy when they come and experience the moments of sorrow as they pass and throughout, we must model to the younger generations (and sometimes the older) that situations can be managed, with tender care and dignity, courage and determination.

Meet Snookums. He is one of our two beloved gerbils. He is almost 4 years old. And he is dying. Not a quick death, but a slow, painful one. He developed a tumor in his scent gland, apparently a fairly common event in gerbils. He started trying to remove it himself and chewed pretty thoroughly on his tiny tummy. Upon realizing this, I took him to the vet (yes, some see gerbils-considered "exotic" pets) and told the young woman that I did not want to euthanize him, as he was still eating and active, but I just wanted some meds to provide comfort and pain relief. Sent home with anti-biotics, pain meds and special cream to apply with a cotton topped stick to his tummy, I set about my business of providing end of life care to our furry friend.

Snookums on April 26

I know the signs of life slowing down. I watched my sweet mother-in-law go through it just 2 years ago. I was amazed at how long she was able to enjoy simple pleasures, like ice cream sandwiches, which she ate everyday, sometime twice! Each morning, I give Snookums a slice of banana. At first, he grasped it energetically, then the last few days I have had to sort of prop it in his paws. Today, he left it unfinished in his bedding. I know the end is near. 

The lessons to the children are strong. They have offered to hold the tiny liquid dispensers for me as I give him the medicine twice a day. At first, he struggled to get away. Now, he just curls in my hand and waits for it to be done. When I set him down in the cage I need to prop him up so he doesn't tip over. It's very sad to watch.

We all know he will die soon. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, but soon. I remember that time, waiting for my mother-in-law to die, very clearly. Wishing for her discomfort to end, but selfishly not wanting to let her go. 

Snookums lived a good long life and he enjoyed his moments of joy, and he will die peacefully, and I will know that we helped him along on his journey of life. Goodbye, Snookums. We will miss you. Update: Snookums passed away gently, the same evening I wrote this.

Snookums on May 8, 13 days later

A Collection of Notes

Living with Megan and Shanna is pure joy.

They are so enthusiastic about writing and often can be found leaving little notes around for family and friends about the important stuff of life.

Here are some of my favorites:

For a friend who was out sick at school.

For one of my friends. (I think that's me!)

 A note of protection....
Please save the donus. No being eat the donus.

A sad but true observation...

Hi Shanna, I thought we could be in the same class but we can't. Sad news. But if we could that would be fun because we sisters :). Thanks

A work order from Shanna. Completed by Dad.

A speech developed completely on their own during a playdate of the girls and two friends. What energy!

Another love note.

A checklist.

Ha ha. This cracks me up. Posted on the trampoline: 1. No Squirrels OK. 2. No nuts OK. 3. No bugs OK.

Notes of appreciation,

Admiration,

And more instruction. Please save the cupcake that we can spit the cupcake?

Invitations,

remembering the important things,

Especially when there is a lot to do!

Notes when Daddy goes away

and just because the world is a beautiful place.

I just love getting these little insights into the mind of the Littles.

They know what is important in life.