Yesterday marks the first month home with Shanna. It's hard to believe it all happened.
As
Anne of Green Gables said to Diana "I've had a splendid time," she concluded happily, "and I feel that it marks an epoch in my life. But the best of it all was the coming home."
Going to China twice in three years and bringing home two beautiful daughters, who otherwise may not have known family, is a goal that I am so grateful I have had the fortune to accomplish. It was not one of those goals that was in my awareness, when I imagined out my life in high school, as
Anne of Green Gables also wisely said;
“When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla. I wonder how the road beyond it goes--what there is of green glory and soft, checkered light and shadows--what new landscapes--what new beauties--what curves and hills and valleys further on."
That bend has been good for me. It has squished me and molded me in a way I thought not possible. It was a HUGE fear to me as a young adult to travel by air. I was overcome with grief after the trauma of September 11th and thought I could never fly again, let alone trust the world to heal itself. But as
Anne said again, in Anne of Avonlea,
"That is one good thing about this world. . .there are always sure to be more springs."
And more springs there were. I listened to my heart, which was telling me that working full-time was draining my energy away from my family and leaving little for them, let alone, me. I listened to my heart, and with the support of Eric, quit my job of 16 years, and stayed home. During that time, I started a part time organizing business and felt the stirrings in my heart for another child. Through a variety of twists and turns, thoughts and emotions, adoption became the clear path. Two years later, we we blessed to welcome Megan into our arms. Life was busy and full, then another two years later, this past January 2010, I felt the familiar stirring in my heart again, for one more child. 10 months later, we welcomed Shanna into our arms.
Is it difficult? Yes. Expensive? Of course. Worth it? Absolutely.
Each and every one of our children is different and amazing in their own right. That they love each other deeply is obvious. They stretch and challenge each other. They argue, they play, they share; time, space, belongings, food, parents. The older kids gain insight from watching the younger work through their issues. They learn about the long lasting and sometimes elusive effects on young minds and hearts when they live in institutions, without adequate early care. They sympathize and they forgive. They uplift and they love unconditionally.
Most of the time, Shanna is happy, as you see in the pictures and videos. But, not unexpectedly, Shanna grieves and we patiently wait and love her. It's hard, as it is never the same trigger twice. A few nights ago was the biggest outburst we had seen yet, over a minor verbal correction in her behavior. Yet, through all the crying and screaming (and some scratching and kicking) she never, ever let go of her precious Bitty Baby, which certainly did not escape our attention. Throughout it all, Eric (who was handling it, as he was the "corrector" that time) was so patient and loving. He just kept her in a safe place and said "We love you Shanna, even when you cry. We love you Shanna, even when you are mad. When you are ready, we will hold you". Finally, exhausted, sweating, she allowed us to comfort her. I felt that a big pain had been released, like a volcano. It seems that every time an eruption happens, she heals a little bit and trusts a little more. I can't help but think that those feelings are so scary to her, and that underneath it all she thinks that if we correct her, it means we don't love her. Which, of course, couldn't be farther from the truth. But I don't think she knows that....yet.
Meanwhile, Megan, who has certainly suffered in her own right some emotional setbacks due to all these changes, and who had been very sad prior to this meltdown for another personal reason, sprang into action after Shanna calmed down. She ran to the bathroom for tissues and washcloths and washcloths wrapped in tissues, and dabbed and mopped up Shanna, blowing her nose and murmuring "We love you, Shanna" over and over. It was impossible not to smile at all that love. And of course, Shanna drank it all in like a sponge.
So, as Anne says, it marks an epoch in my life. And I enjoyed it thoroughly, but the best part of it is the coming home!!
 |
| Grandpa Tom and Shanna |
 |
| Grandpa Tom & Gramma Marion |
 |
| Gramma & Megan. You will notice they are not all in the same picture. They were, I just took about 6 shots to get various people to smile at the right time. Turns out the only way I could get good pictures is to split them all up. Imagine them together! |
 |
| Playing with the precious Babies, both of whom are named Baby. There is Megan's Baby and Shanna's Baby. And we have to be quiet a lot, because "Baby is suhleeping". |
and this is just a typical moment in time at our house. :)
PS: For anyone interested, the Anne Books are wonderful. Anne, herself, is an orphan, adopted by Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert at the tender age of 11. Her enthusiasm for life is both inspirational and uplifting. Here they are online- I downloaded all
Lucy Maud Montgomery's 100+works to my (Dad's {hug}) Kindle for $.99 from Amazon
Here are links to the full text of the first two books through
Project Gutenberg, a resource of free books in the public domain. Happy Reading.
Anne of Green Gables
Anne of Avonlea
