An Array of Activities

March was busy with so many activities for everyone. Mary Alice made Beautiful Shamrock Shaped Cupcakes to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, which we all enjoyed.

We got this 3rd bike wheel from Kathy & Evan. Thanks guys!!! Megan really loves it. I did not think she would be ready to ride it yet, but she is doing fine.

Matthew and Cate went to a "charity ball" the other night and they looked so wonderful.

Iris' son, Brian, came for a visit from California and tried to make off with Megan Ling, but luckily we nabbed him in time. :)


then we went to church and Megan tried to capture one of the boys. We had to tell her that he was too young for such a commitment.......


She seemed to take it well.

We went to dinner at a friend's house and had a great time.

Eric has been working on a new stained glass window for our home. He is going to put it in the wall between our bedroom and an upstairs studio room that we have over our garage. He copied the design from the Tree of Life Window by Frank Lloyd Wright, drew it on the computer, scaled it to size, then cut, ground, wrapped and soldered all the glass, with lots of help from the kids. It contains 750 pieces of glass; the smallest are about 1/2 inch square. It is truly an amazing piece of art.

Over the winter, Eric completed this window, below, started by someone in our church who died before he finished it, and it was recently hung in the fellowship room at our church.

And these photos speak for themselves..........


Megan's first time to McDonald's

What a month!!

I felt her calling me from China

I couldn’t explain it more than that. People asked me “Why China? Why not a baby from around here?” I always answered, “Because my baby is Chinese”.

In our late 30’s, Eric and I were unsure about the size of our family. We had two biological kids, intense, intelligent, great kids, with fairly demanding needs for attention and support. However, we both felt the family seemed incomplete and we had a strong desire to share our many resources and advantages with another child. We began to try to become pregnant, but it did not feel like the “right thing”. After a while, recognizing my ambivalence, I gave away all of my maternity and infant things and assumed that I was not meant to have another child.

I was very surprised several weeks later, when I woke up one morning with the idea of adoption stuck in my head. I had not considered this consciously before, but it was probably something that was there always, deeply buried in a sea of everyday activity and it was only when I let go of my Preconceived Ideas, that I was able to hear my inner thoughts. I asked Eric what he thought and felt about adoption. Of course, being the very amazing man that he is, he was open to it. We agreed that I would do some research and read about it. I am fairly intense myself, and immediately read about 5 books in 4 days about adoption. Within a week I knew that my baby was in China. We selected Great Wall China Adoption as our agency and applied right away to adopt in April 2006. The process of gathering our documents went smoothly and we logged in with China in August 2006. The wait at that time for a baby was about 6-12 months, but quickly and steadily grew to become 18 months.

During this time Eric and I longed for our child, to know who and where she was. We were on the non-special needs track, and waiting for an infant. As the wait began to get to 12 months and more, I began to feel that our child was not an infant, but rather an older child and possibly one with special needs. This was confusing to me because every time I looked at the listing of waiting children, I felt tremendous anxiety and so just gave up looking at them.

During the summer of 2007 I received Great Wall’s invitation to the fall East Meets West conference, which was to take place in Tampa, Florida. I felt it was important that our family go to it. I guess I needed to be connected in some tangible way. My mother joined us as she lives nearby in Florida. We had a wonderful time and learned so much. Plus we met a family who had just been matched with their daughter, who was older and was diagnosed with a special medical need, called Hydrocephalus. I was struck with their description and photos of her; especially the fact that she was thrilled that she was being adopted and could not wait to meet her family. She was absolutely stunning and displayed a smile so full of life. Despite never having known much about Hydrocephalus before, I was so assured by her new mom’s matter of fact discussion about the available treatments and normalcy of life. It sounded like a very manageable condition to me.

After that, my mind was open in a way it wasn’t before. Still at the conference, I went to a session on “waiting children” and I was struck again that the speakers both agreed that the most difficult part of dealing with their adoptive children wasn’t their special need, but their adjustment because they were older. They described tantrums that were reminiscent of those my biological children had and I thought to myself; that I could handle. I knew that I would easily and intuitively be able to work through any attachment, bonding and behavior issues that may come up.

Shortly after that we had to renew our paperwork because it was coming up on 18 months. Our social worked did a home study update and I requested that she use language including both special and non-special needs children in her recommendation. Our previous HS had said birth-18 months, but I raised the question of extending the age range. I initially agreed to raise it to 2 years old, but after I got the final copy from my agency, I felt again a strong compulsion to raise it to 6 years old, and I trusted my instincts and called them immediately and asked them to change it. I picked up the revised copy later that day and felt such unexplainable relief. That was in early January 2008. Less than 3 weeks later, I found 3 ½ year old Megan Ling on the next Waiting Child list. I knew she was meant for me when I saw her, and she had the same special need diagnosis, Hydrocephalus, as the girl whose family I met in Tampa.

I immediately called Eric and told him about her, he was willing to trust my intuition again, and we applied to adopt her right away. Less than 5 months later, in May 2008, we met her in China and all my dreams about her were absolutely true. Interested readers can follow this link to see her on Gotcha Day. Although we were expecting and prepared to deal with her Hydrocephalus, amazingly, she was examined by a pediatric neurologist twice since coming home, and she demonstrates no symptoms of it whatsoever. This is an incredible and unexpected blessing.

Although very healthy physically and emotionally, Megan Ling did present with very significant learning needs and appeared to be functioning about two years below her age level. She had only developed minimal expressive language in China, even though she was almost four years old. She understood everything that was said to her, but simply could not form the sounds and motor movements to make words. She also did not seems to know any concepts such as number, color, shape, or what a book was all about, even in Chinese. She could, however, fold her clothes in perfect formation and make her bed without a wrinkle! She fell all the time when walking because she “slapped” her feet on the ground.

Upon arriving home, we immediately had her evaluated for all kinds of special education therapies and she has been receiving Speech, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and Special Education Services (all free through the public school system) since September 2008. I just got home from registering her for Kindergarten in September 2009 and I am hopeful that she will be ready for a general education classroom with special education supports. She is so excited and cannot wait to “ride the bus”. She is still a little behind her age peers, but she is catching up more and more every day.

The most wonderful thing about adopting an older child to me, is watching her learn so rapidly. I am really amazed that we have been able to see her grow from an infant stage right through to the age she really is. It’s like I have had a child of all ages. I just responded to her as if she were born to me the day I received her into my life. Megan is compassionate, loving, and affectionate and soaks up everything we offer to her, and gives it back ten-fold. It was truly an amazing blessing in our lives to adopt her.

A New Bike!

March Update

I did not think I could get busier, but turns out, I could. Three kids with three sets of needs creates a busy mom. We are enjoying our various activities and obligations, and have our share of ups and downs. We were deeply saddened by the plane crash in NY last month and are close friends with a family that were directly affected. There is little that we can do, but reach out our arms and hold them and offer to help in whatever small way possible. It really grieves me to see them and the other families go through this tragedy, and of course, it makes me value my precious life all the more.

Megan Ling is developing so quickly. She has really turned from a toddler into a competent four year old. I came downstairs this morning to find her alone at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of granola that she poured herself (thank goodness she did not try to pour the gallon of milk). She looked so proud of herself and it made me smile. Of course, later she came to me and excitedly told me a story about Floor and Eat! and then Come! and she took me upstairs to show me an empty wrapper from a Ricola throat drop that she apparently found and swallowed in the 30 seconds that I did not have my eye on her!! Overall, she is much more reliable and trustworthy to know what is okay and what isn't, but she still has so much to learn! And apparently, so do I!

Her language has finally reached the level where she can communicate some simple stories and ideas without the people and the things present (apparently cough drop was not in her vocabulary-thus the Come, See! command). She told me that she wanted to have a play date with two of her friends from preschool, so I set it up for last Saturday. It was a busy and exciting morning, and Megan Ling was very pleased. The girls are nice role models for her and take care of her so well. They help her understand the basics of play. Unfortunately, I was so tuned into the supervision that I forgot to take a picture and will have to do it next time.

I have been learning about the options for Megan Ling for next year. She is turning 5 in July and thus is Kindergarten age. Our school district offers wonderful programming for children with special needs and Megan Ling will continue along this track for a while longer. She will qualifynext year as a child with Speech/Language Impairment and will probably attend a local public school with a self contained Kindergarten program; 15 students and 1 special ed teacher, geared towards kids with primarily language delays. Speech and OT push into the classroom to allow for a true team approach to instruction. Mainstreaming with age peers for lunch and specials is part of the program from the beginning and students are increasingly mainstreamed when ready. Even if Megan Ling spends two years at the Kindergarten level, I think this will be a great help to her. I made the mistake of telling her already about Kindergarten and the bus and she has asked me EVERY day about 10x a day about it in excited anticipation. "Megan Bus?" "not mama bus" "not Mary bus" not Matt-Matt bus" "just Megan bus" "Kah kah gah gah.......?" over and over. I can't get the idea of "next year" across..... well, you get the point. I am glad she is happy about it.

We have decided to try and call her Megan Ling, since she can now pronounce both and she has told me several times that she prefers this. It's hard to get used to, but I think it is very pretty sounding and I am happy to do it if it makes her happy. (her name was Ling Ling in China). We talk a lot about China, and one day she was looking at one of the photos she has of a nanny with her and some other children. She said "Ohhhh...Mama!" while pointing to her, and the way she said it, I knew she was not referring to me. I asked her if she called the woman Mama and she said "Yes!" then she asked me to "call Mama" and I said I did not know her number. This did not phase Megan Ling, she just said "Call online!" which is what she says when she wants to talk via skype with my mom and sister in law! I was floored by all of this, and have since asked some Chinese people, and other moms who adopted from the same orphange, and they have confirmed that the kids, in fact, did call their nannies Mama. I guess it means that as Megan Ling's language develops, she may be able to remember and tell us more things about her past. I want to honor any requests she makes the best I can, so if Megan Ling is what she wants, Megan Ling it is!

Matthew is doing well. He went to his first dance (with his girl friend) in February. The French Club dance called "La Boum". Apparently, it was a big success, as they are going to another dance, a "Charity Ball" in a few weeks. And yes, he is now taller than me....


Here they are having fun having their hair done by Megan Ling.


Cate has encouraged Matthew to try all kinds of new activities in school, including French Club, selling tickets for school events, writing for the Young Playwrighter's group, tongue twister contests and talking endlessly on the telephone. He participated in Science Olympiad regional finals last week and came home with a gold medal and 2 bronze. Also, we were pleased to learn that he earned a top score on a regional Math test, given at his college math program. Although he forgot to tell me this information, it was okay, as I read it in the quarterly newsletter that the program sends out. :)

Mary Alice and Grandma spent one day of vacation making a quilt together. Mary Alice did all the sewing. It is a beautiful piece of art and very cozy. Here is a picture and a slide show of it.

Here is one of the cats; being weird.

Inspired by the quilters, I made these pajamas for Megan.

This slide show is a collection of photos taken from Megan Ling, from her point of view. For some reason, it loops twice, but I don't have the time or patience to fix it and you can just press the stop button when you are done with it.





This is a video of the Chinese New Year Celebration we went to. It's very loud, you may want to turn the volume down :) Megan is visible about 1/2 way through on the left. The one in black that tries to help her is Mary Alice, but of course, Megan Ling will have none of it.... :)



This is Mary Alice's friend, Abby, playing the clarinet. Not her typical posture, but funny. She agreed to being blogged.....

And here, of course, is Megan Ling, trying to do what the big girls do.


Megan's "big dog" eating breakfast......

Grandpa & Iris

and a beautiful Orchid, given to me by one of my organizing clients.



All in all, a very busy 6 weeks. I cannot believe how time flies. I am falling behind on my vacuuming and bathrooms, but as my dear friend Michele says, it shows that I am focusing on the important things and nourishing the family's soul. Happy Spring.

Fun Videos

Dad's 80th Birthday Party!

We had a festive Celebration in honor of my Dad's 80th birthday. Marty & Cindy flew up for 24 hours (from noon Saturday to noon Sunday) so we had an intense, heartwarming visit. We had a wonderful relaxing lunch at Sue's home, and spaghetti dinner at ours. I was so anxious to spend as much time as I could with Cindy that I woke her up at 7:00AM on Sunday, so we could be together again!! I had been up since 5AM and I could not wait any longer. We had a great morning, the family came back over for brunch and then the whirled home, back to Georgia.

Here's Megan, waiting for Uncle Marty and Aunt Cindy to get off the airplane!! She is so excited.



Apparently so are they.

Megan went around with camera in hand and took pictures of everyone. I censored the series that included shots of everyone's bottoms!

Dad requested Spice Cake with Dark Chocolate Frosting as his birthday cake.

His pie request was Sour Cherry, which was made by Eric's mom, with cherries grown off the tree in their front yard. Have you ever seen such a perfect pie?? It was delicious.

Here is the birthday boy, with Cindy and my sister, Sue's son, Ben.

My sister's other son, Alex, and friend, Ashley.

Megan got lots of hugs that day.

PS. Thanks to everyone who commented to me that they are still out there reading! I am happy to know that so many of you get joy from keeping up with our life events! I enjoy my the blogs that I follow and even though I wax and wane in my ability to keep up with them all, I feel that I have friends all over the world!!

I am the first one out of bed this morning, at 5:00AM

This, in and of itself, is an amazing feat. It is very difficult to beat Eric out of bed, as he is Mr. Early Riser, starting his morning at about 5:15 each day, so he can have a bit of quiet time to read over breakfast and still make it out the door by 6:30. Who can compete with that? Who would want to? Usually, he wakes me up by 6:30 and Megan stumbles into my room, bleary-eyed and hair tussled, shortly after that,saying "A Mama?" Which means, "Where's Mama".....That's what she says for everybody when she wants to know where they are: A Dada? A Matt-Matt? A Mare-Mare? etc....

Anyway, here I am, showered, dressed, coffee made, laundry agitating, and me completely avoiding finishing up the slide show for my Dad's 80th birthday party, which is today. It's not that I don't want to do it; it's that several things have happened and I want to record them now, while they are fresh. So I will post them each in their own slot.

Eric's Birthday!!

First thing, and very important!! Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband.

Eric and I met in college in our sophomore year. I was 17 and he was 18. He was walking on crutches , having injured his ankle "pretending" to ski down a grass covered hill in front of his dorm. I had seen him around the previous year, and but did not really know him. I commented on how tall he was and that I thought he grew a lot over the summer (I am under 5 feet, so everyone looks tall, but on the crutches, and standing above me on a hill, he looked huge). A few weeks later, my friend and I met him again, much improved, and this time riding a bike down the big hill, into town, as he had drawn the shortest straw and had to go get the beer. He said he and his suite mates were watching the movie, "Stripes" and invited us to join them. Well, Becky and I did, and from that moment on, I was in love with Eric. We talked all through the movie and way after everyone else had left. He was badly in need of a haircut and told me that his mother was the only one who ever cut his hair. I sympathized and immediately offered to do this for him (even though I never did before!!!) The next day, he showed up for his "appointment" at my suite and my friends and I giggled through it. He told me if I did a good job he would let me cut his hair for the rest of his life. 23 years later, I am still the only one cutting his hair. I am not sure how I knew what to do, but I got the job and I am so thankful. Eric has been the best friend and support imaginable and I am blessed by his presence in my life! Happy Birthday, Honey!! I love you!!!!

College Days

"The Haircut" (Looks like I needed one, too!)

Graduation, May 1990

Wedding Day, June 1990

Before kids, about 1993

After kids, 2008

Growing Up

One night, at the end of November, after I had gone to bed, Matthew told Eric that he has a girlfriend. Now, honestly, we were not prepared for this. We hadn't really given it any thought. Matthew had always been so focused on playing with his friends, sports, Math, music... girls were not ever a topic of interest, and now suddenly a girl friend! Wow! Of course, this is a very welcome and normal turn of events, after all, he just turned 14 this month and to find out that he is socially able to manage this arena, as well as all the others! Well, that is just very satisfying as parents. And the change in him is very noticeable. He is more patient and measured in his responses, he is open and relaxed when talking about his friend, and he is interested in our offers to include her in family activities.

A few nights ago, he woke me up and said he needed me. I could tell he was very upset. I couldn't imagine what was wrong. I followed him to his room and he could barely speak. He had been reading an assigned book for ELA called Night, which is one man's personal account of his experience during the holocaust. Matthew had become overwrought with anger and grief at the indignities and injustices done to the Jewish people and he that when he read the part where the Jews were assigned a number, engraved into their arms he threw the book to the floor and came to me. I held him for an hour until he fell asleep. He is a changed person now. He knows that the world has both great joys and great sorrows. In the book the man struggles with his feelings towards God and his anger that God does not save even the babies. Matthew and I discussed this. I explained my view, which is that God is limited in his ability to help only those who want help, and who are willing to receive it in the form of guidance and love, not control. I shared that in my opinion, God is Great Love, that can sustain and strengthen so that people can have the courage to take the path that is before them, and make conscious, informed choices in order to make the best of their lives and situations, given the cards they are dealt. And I shared that in my times of deepest grief, confusion and pain, when I have said "God, please help me". I have always felt immediate peace.

Guy

Last night, my mother called me and said Guy was not feeling well. He had been up the previous night with a stomach bug or something and had not eaten or even gotten out of bed all day. Several years ago this happened and he narrowly escaped severe dehydration, so needless to say, she was worried. In anyone, this would be a problem, but Guy is extra vulnerable as he will celebrate his 93rd birthday in April. Later in the evening we spoke again and Mom said that he felt a little better and was going to get up and have coffee and tea, so that was a relief.

Guy is my stepfather and they have been married since I was about 10, which is over 30 years! He has been a wonderful part of my life and I love him dearly. He has 7 children of his previous marriage and I have always enjoyed my relationships with them very much. We are particularly close to Billy & Janis, who visited with us at Christmas time and are pictured in that post.

Here we are in 2004 with some of "the girls". I have no idea why that box is there, but it cannot be removed. Too bad.


Megan loves to "see" Grandpa Guy on the webcam through Skype, which she calls "online". Mom never thought he would be interested in this, but he is and he comes happily to the computer to see her, send her kisses and sing her songs.

Here is Guy jamming with Marty, Thanksgiving 2003

And our most recent trip to see them in Florida, April 2007.